The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
