maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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