apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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