Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
