Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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