i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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