i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
