Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
