thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
