Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
