I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
