It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
