Me. At least after what I've been through.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
