So drunk its hurt
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
