Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
