My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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