.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
