She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
