Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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