Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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