he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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