Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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