shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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