so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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