I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
