I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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