she was so not down for the gang bang
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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