Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Bring me that man meat
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize