Whod you bang
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
