omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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