I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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