separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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