Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have aggressive nipples.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
