So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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