You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
