Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
