Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
