So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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