Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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