5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
