all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
