I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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