You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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