theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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