I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
