I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
