Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
