Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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