Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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