youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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