Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's blow job season.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
