I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
