like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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