she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
