so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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