I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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