two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
