According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
