We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
