if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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