I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
