don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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