Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize