wakey wakey hands off snakey
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize