Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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