I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
