Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
