So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
