I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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