Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
